Ys

Seer of ghosts & weaver of stories

(You are very much not forgotten)

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Dear brain, what's going on?
Ys
ajodasso
Is it that I don't have time to dream like this anymore on my normal day-job enforced schedule, whereas now that I'm back in space with no mandatory time constraints for a while, it's possible again? Last night, the scenario was one in which I was being pulled in to understudy the role of Nick in a Broadway stage adaptation of The Great Gatsby; it's not even that I'd been cast as the understudy, it's just that neither of the usual people could go on that night and I knew the novel well enough and could also pass as what they were looking for on stage. It's like I'm cycling through all of the things dear to me in random order, and very disruptively, too. This one was anxiety-inducing rather than grief-inducing, as I literally had no warning ahead of being dragged to a rehearsal that was just a couple of hours before curtain-up. What's disturbing is how real these dreams seem.

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In recent weeks I've dreamed about having to learn the ropes as a new member of the House of Lords (I am not, but an old university friend is) and travelling to the US while flouting visa regulations (a potentially revealing detail) to see an old friend... so I empathise!

I wish that flouting visa regulations were really so easy; I'd have been back in the UK before you could've blinked.

(I'm not doing well with that right now. I mean, I'm never doing well with it, any of it, but sometimes the pain's closer to the surface than I'd like it to be, and it's just my bad luck to have now be one of those times to boot.)

The annoying thing about that dream was that it mocked my many friends who are kept out of the UK by immigration rules. The obsession this country has with keeping people out who love it, I do not like; but I feel more and more alienated from mainstream political discussion here.

It's a good thing I don't know the precise details of your dream, then; as if the surgery fallout weren't enough, I've been back in tears for 48 hours over the whole not-in-London-anymore-and-hating-it situation in which I've been stuck since 2012. Everything I squash down just so I can function day-to-day is coming out now that I'm stuck in the flat and in pain to begin with.

I'm osrry to have brought it up.

No apology is necessary - that London dream I had is the reason it cropped up in the first place.

I've been having weird dreams for the first time in ages too. Not sure why. :/

Another friend of mine has remarked on recent atmospheric strangeness, too. I'm not sure what else to call it. There are days when I remember that nothing's seemed right for a very long time now, and I wonder

I just wonder.

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